Is there anything specifically wrong with it on a technical level, or it is just not up your alley?
I am still pretty new to this, so trying to learn what sounds off when something does, but your post didn't really help that much tbh.
I think in order to get your style to work you need to get your production spot on and here its not there yet. There really is too much going on through out. I also listened to natural born killer and again i can see the ideas you have and i think rather than trying to add loads of different sounds together you need to calm it down a bit.
This is just my opinion you may well feel different so good luck