a man cut off hsi own bollocks and ran into a church half hour before a wedding

Discussion in 'Waffle' started by charlie131, Sep 20, 2013.

  1. charlie131

    charlie131 Well-Known Member

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  2. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    this is the second cuts-his-own-dick-off-in-public thing in the last few months. both from the uk and both featured a comment that said "only in essex".
     
  3. richie_stix

    richie_stix gomby plz

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    wow, just wow...

     
  4. charlie131

    charlie131 Well-Known Member

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    would be funny if he ran in qouting lil britain. 'I'm a lady' hhahaha
     
  5. $marty

    $marty Dexcell Staff Member

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    He must've had some balls to pull off that stunt....
    No wait.....
     
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  6. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    so theres this girl at work whom were all collectively drooling over,
    and shes fine as wine. office hot is strangely strong hot.
    half white half asian, and got the best of both worlds.
    shes small but curvy, frail but perky, and dresses with a confidence
    only people in their prime have. long hair in fantastic and simple arrangements.
    theres an unpresumtious air about her, she gets on with it like somebody
    who hasnt had inspired sex since early teens. late teens. whatever, point is,
    shes really natural. shes everywhere, but invisible. doesnt blush or rant when
    men try to hit on her, isnt aggy or dismissive, and her fake laugh is genuine enough,
    for mens attention to go elsewhere, but on their own accord. classy that, not because
    she plays the "i have a boyfriend" card (which is usually 100% effective in the first round,
    unless there are steadily more rounds, increasing in intensity, in which case it just
    could be that boyfriend isnt much of a boyfriend or maybe just plain old doesnt exist,
    has been known to happen. but more about that later) or gets rude and insulting,
    or punks you out with sarcastic laughs and sudden spurs of arrogance.
    these are all effective way of getting rid of unwanted sexual approaches,
    actively employed by boys and girls all over, and whilst effective,
    its not classy.

    class counts for so much.


    and as if the writer put her there just to make this terrible contrast,
    theres also a hipster chick,
    whos the complete opposite of that, full of fake confidence, attention seeking,
    an uggo that found a way when her tits and ass came in and out of nowhere,
    the internet made it ok to dress like a fking clown. who brays about
    how easy it is to get laid (i can get a boy like this, snap her fingers),
    her private life (i was out until 6 this morning) and her money.


    so whilst engrossed in some menial office drone bullshit aspect of the technogoat,
    she would drift across my peripherals, and make me think unspeakable things, not totally
    distracting, im perfectly capable of multitasking, but putting my effiency down to a steady 2%.

    so there was a thing the other day, on the beach, with work, and the bus crash and all that,
    im sure i wrote some bullshit on that the other day, and i think i knew, but its then that
    i met her boyfriend. seems like a random coupling, but
    they do compliment each other, and she said the other day that theyre gonna marry.
    just blurt it out like that.
    with no regard for my feelings at all, and i had been kind enough to magnanimously
    ignore this irritating detail up until then, but no, she had to go and ruin it.

    so i started to notice other things about her,
    once the pink cloud lenses of infatuation were lifted from my eyes.
     
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  7. Teddy

    Teddy 60% Staff Member

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    morale of the story?
    these office romances never work out.
     
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  8. richie_stix

    richie_stix gomby plz

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    your sig goes perfectly with the terrible nature of that pun
     
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  9. logikz

    logikz I Am Not The King Staff Member

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    moral of the story is shes unimpressive, her "petiteness" and "frailness" is really not that hot at all, its more like a little old lady, shes got gap teeth, and a big fked up crooked nose. she dresses the way she does because she doesnt care and her boyfriend doesnt care and theyve probably been together for donkeys years, they piss hot air, and wont die so much as just fade into the background, their molecules dispurse with the wind.

    i wrote that whole bit to get through the last 20 minutes at work because i had nothing particular i wanted to do and time was moving slowwwwwwwwwwww
     
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