My thanks to you all for such colourful reception to my fecal folly... let me tell you a story...
On the glorious beaches of Pula I strutted, surrounded by those of like-mind - with zero regard to the toll copious consumption of all varieties, minimal snooze and suspect Croatian gastronomy would inevitably play on the collective bowel. I felt invincible, shielded by an aura of disregard for my own body, rays and a big chunka vibe. Then nature called me.
At first it was fine... nothing but a good'ol jimmy to entertain... but.. just like that, I was cruelly parted with the control I've become so lovingly accustomed and thrown into a hellish abyss of incontinence.. poo came out of my bum.. and there was nothing I could do about it.
I was scared, confused.. and in eye-watering agony as the acidic bile which had emerged from my behind went to work on my treasured soft tissue. Having effectively ostracised myself I whispered my goodbyes to the rave collective gathered on the beach behind me, no doubt already mourning my pooey departure. Onwards I hobbled falling prey to increasingly antagonizing hits of pain, pulsing from my now red-raw arsehole.
After what seemed like a millennia I caught sight of the shower-block, a new-found Mecca to my poor poor bum. It's angelic call breathed new found life into my broken body. And finally... relief.. I'd done it.. the long road behind me a distant memory.. I gleefully rinsed myself in the heavenly torrent.. washing away the heartbreak... a new man... a stronger man..
Later in the week... it happened again.