Funny Stuff Part Deux

**Ab0|2Ti0N** · 27-08-2004

you know you're a junglist when......

-You snicker when you hear someone say "PLUR".
-You finally realized that phat pants are heavy and unpractical.
-You refrain from dancing unless the circle is of rather large dimensions.
-When you do dance, you "battle".
-You learn to spin, and therefore have graduated to the "superior junglist status".
-You find out just how crooked promoters really are.
-You hate massives.
-You blame candy kids for everything retarded in the scene.
-You say "the scene" a lot.
-You find out how much better European electronic music really is.
-You find out that glow sticks were cool TEN years ago in the UK.
-You have pretended to be rolling at a party just to get a quick laugh out of your friends.
-When you ARE on E, you do your best to act normal.
-You realize how cool Drum n' Bass is.
-You realize how lame progressive trance is.
-You find out that American DJ's are completely overrated.
-You have close friends who don't give a f**k about raving.
-You think that maybe YOU don't really give a f**k either.
-The smell of Vicks makes you physically sick.
-You can't help but laugh when someone tries to give you a "glow stick show".
-You learn to break.
-If you want to actually "roll," you have to eat about four pills at once.
-You can get those four pills for the same price that everyone else pays for one.
-You drink beer at after parties.
-You quit collecting fliers.
-You have unsubscribe from your drum n bass mailing list, because "none of those f**king little kids understand a thing about jungle, dammit!"
-You can't remember the last time you went to a party and didn't think it sucked.
-You can't remember much in general.
-You realize that junglists aren't nearly as genuine as the hippies were.
-You wouldn't mind if that kid with the whistle accidentally swallowed it and died.
-You are actually called by your real name.
-You realize that the general public shouldn’t be blamed for hating drum n bass.
-You think ECKO is the sickest gear money can buy.
-You talk s**t as much as possible.
-You value things in terms of vinyl, (ex: "that's an eight record pair of pants.")
-You DESPISE Happy Hardcore.
-You DESPISE candy.
-You have seen a thirteen year old "raver" on ecstasy and felt like leaving the party because of it.
-You know what a 303 is.
-You no longer feel the need to advertise your "junglist-ness" to the world.
-You realize shell toes are s**tty shoes.
-You can't count how many pairs you have owned.
-You know that post-rave sex is awful.
-You've punked kids who tried to get in a circle that was out of their league.
-You can determine where a junglist is from just by the way they dance.
-You know that LA junglist can't dance worth a s**t.
-You find out that underground parties still happen quite frequently, despite what 98% of the raving populous thinks.
-You party sober and now understand how stupid you looked when you didn't.
-You know who PRODUCED your favorite tracks, not just which DJ bought it and put it on a mix CD.
-You read URB.
-You have day-dreams that involve the Telletubies and a large rusty chainsaw.
-Your parents gave up on you becoming normal a long, long time ago.
-You understand electro and minimal techno now.
-You hate drum n bass ho's.
-You could out-dance any boy band, any day, while smoking a cigarette.
-You begin to notice how often big DJ's blow mixes.
-You think sweaty guys who run around the party shirtless should get thrown out.
-You act like a punk-ass bitch to security, police, and any other authority.
-You purposely wear way too much clothing to parties, because you know that dancing in a turtleneck sweater looks f**king ill.
-You say "ill" a lot.
-You have replaced Caffiene, JNCO, and Adidas with Technic, Vestax, and JBL.
-You know that drum n bass is all about the music, but junglists are not.
-You find the jungle room much more appealing now.
-You can actually dance to jungle.
-You hate Feelgood and Coolworld.
-You laugh out loud when you walk into Jamba Juice and they're playing dance music.
-You see guys from your high school football team at a party.
-You know jungle is mainstream as f**k.
-The bigger the flier, the less you want to go to the party.
-You can re-tell the story of how jungle came to America quite accurately.
-You hate Anthem tracks.
-Your sleeping, and eating habits are completely f**ked up.
-You sit around with friends and tell old "jungle disaster" stories.
-You are amazed that you are somehow still alive.

**Ab0|2Ti0N** · 27-08-2004

2004 Revised: Courtesy of Benjie/bnj (www.junglescene.com)

-You snicker when you hear someone say "PLUR".
shoud be:
-You snicker when you hear someone say "PAY TO GET IN".

-You refrain from dancing unless the circle is of rather large dimensions.
should be:
-You refrain from dancing unless you are drunk.

-You learn to spin, and therefore have graduated to the "superior junglist status".
should be:
-You learn to spin, and therefore have graduated to the "i dont buy at record stores anymore, i get stuff online"status.

-You find out just how crooked promoters really are.
should be:
-you become a promoter.

-You hate massives.
should be:
-You hate everything.

-You say "the scene" a lot.
should be:
-You say "ill JSM you on junglescene" a lot.

-You have pretended to be rolling at a party just to get a quick laugh out of your friends.
should be:
-You have pretended to not be schmoozing at a party just to get a quick laugh out of your friends.

-You realize how cool Drum n' Bass is.
should be:
-You realize how cool Drum n' Bass is when youre drunk.

-You realize how lame progressive trance is.
should be:
-You realize how lame progressive trance is, yet think the new tune that completely used the same riff from a trance song and just added drums at 175 bpm is some next level s**t.

-You find out that American DJ's are completely overrated.
should be:
-You find out that DJ's are completely overrated.

-You have close friends who don't give a f**k about raving.
should be:
-You have close friends who don't give a f**k about enjoying dnb, you just wanna see your pictures on the internet.

-The smell of Vicks makes you physically sick.
should be:
-The smell of a warehouse makes you physically sick.

-You can't help but laugh when someone tries to give you a "glow stick show".
should be:
-You can't help but laugh when someone tries to throw a party without flying someone in.

-You learn to break.
should be:
-You think you know how to break.

-You drink beer at after parties.
should be:
-You have mixed drinks at parties.

-You quit collecting fliers.
should be:
-You quit getting promoters e mails.

-You are actually called by your real name.
should be:
-You are actually called by your screen or dj name.

-You think ECKO is the sickest gear money can buy.
should be:
-You think diesel is the sickest gear money can buy.

-You talk s**t as much as possible.
should be:
-You talk s**t as much as possible on the internet.

-You value things in terms of vinyl, (ex: "that's an eight record pair of pants.")
should be:
-You got it on mp3 or cd-r, no longer applicable.

-You know what a 303 is.
should be:
-You know what final scratch is.

-You know that post-rave sex is awful.
should be:
-You know that post-rave sex is awful, so you moved onto message board sex.

-You've punked kids who tried to get in a circle that was out of their league.
should be:
-You've talked about punking kids who tried to get in a circle that was out of their league, from the safety of your computer the day after the party.

-You party sober and now understand how stupid you looked when you didn't.
should be:
-You party drunk and now understand how stupid you looked when you didn't.

-You know who PRODUCED your favorite tracks, not just which DJ bought it and put it on a mix CD.
should be:
-You know who PRODUCED your favorite tracks, found it on the internet, burned it on cd, and never bought it on vinyl. you also have all his/her VIPs which you shouldnt.

-You read URB.
should be:
-Your read URB. haw.

-You hate drum n bass ho's.
should be:
-You ARE a drum n bass ho.

-You think sweaty guys who run around the party shirtless should get thrown out.
should be:
-You think guys who run around the party moshing should get thrown out.

-You act like a punk-ass bitch to security, police, and any other authority.
should be:
-You act like a punk-ass bitch.

-You find the jungle room much more appealing now.
should be:
-You find the house/chillout room much more appealing now.

-You hate Anthem tracks.
should be:
-Your cellphone ringer is fast car.

-You sit around with friends and tell old "jungle disaster" stories.
should be:
-You sit around with friends and tell old "junglist" stories from the good ol years:2002